Saturday, January 10, 2009

Get An Assistant

Today's prompt is my dream!

If you could hire someone full-time to make your life easier, what would their duties be?

Really, I don't even need a minute... this commercial will answer the question all by itself.

It's a big joke in our house... I'll tell Saunders, "I need a Sven!" when I'm overwhelmed, or he'll say, "I'm not your Sven!" when I'm nagging him to do chores. If I won the lottery, my first expenditure would be to hire the actor who plays Sven, pay him a big salary, and tell him, "Just play that part. From sun up to sun down. Every day of the week." Shoot, I'll even give him Sundays off, although it would pain me.

Here's my actual answer- in one minute!
*Sven will wake me up with a cup of coffee made just how I like it, turn on the tv to Fox and Friends, and cut on my lamp. While I'm waking up, he'll update me on what's going on today in my schedule.
*Lay out my workout clothes while I use bathroom and put on my contacts, and then accompany me to living room to do Wii Fit... while I work out, Sven will feed dogs, let them out, unload/reload dishwasher or start laundry as needed.
*While I get ready for work, Sven will wake Saunders up (a JOB in itself), get him started on getting ready for work, and get Katie Anne's stuff ready for school.
*While I'm getting Katie Anne up, Sven will pack my lunch and load my crap in the car.

(Whoa- my minute ran out! Let's keep the fantasy going, shall we?)

*Sven will ride with me and help me haul Katie Anne's stuff into the daycare, get her signed in, and put all her little supplies in her cubby.
*Sven will go with me to work and be my parapro... watching the kids so I can have unlimited potty breaks, running to make a copy when I'm one short, answering all emails, making phone calls to parents, grading papers, stuffing folders, and laying the smackdown when discipline is necessary.
*At 12:00, when my planning starts, Sven can take the car and go back home... he needs that time to do dinner prep and household chores. (Wait, one of Jillian's jobs sounds kind of like she's a Sven...)
*Sven will be back to pick me up at work at 3:30 (or if I have a meeting, to attend with me and take my notes), then we'll pick up Katie Anne. If there's errands to run, Sven will go along and help, or Katie Anne and I will just play at the park while Sven does them. Sven will be in charge of buying groceries, running to post office, dropping off dry cleaning, etc. by himself. For errands that I need to go along for (like getting my eyebrows waxed... kind of hard for Sven to do that alone), Sven will accompany me to help keep Katie Anne occupied.
*We'll head home, where Katie Anne and I will color or play or read while Sven finishes up dinner.
*When Saunders gets home, we'll eat, then Sven will clean the kitchen and maybe go through the mail and pay bills or do some organizing in the office while we have family time.
*Finally, Sven will turn down everyone's beds and put chocolates on our pillows!

Is that too much to ask?

If you know anyone who's interested in being my Sven (I think I can pay them about $50 per week right now... no lottery winnings yet), please tell him/her to email his/her resume to me!


Jason, Erin, and Ella said...

Funny that this is the writing prompt after our conversation at book club last night!! Hahaha!! Only the founding mothers know the real answer:)

Jillian said...

Funny...I now know what my position is called...I'm a "Sven", not a nanny! Sounds like my life lmao! Must be nice for the person on the other end haha!

Vanessa said...

I could so use a "Sven" too!

Magnolia Designs said...

If you find a "Sven", could you tell me where, I would love one too, maybe you could even e-mail my hubby and he could surprise me for Valentine's day with my very own "Sven"